Friday, 20 May 2011

FLASH FICTION: The Bookseller

Right come in nice an’ close. That’s it, get a bit friendly – no need to tell the old man, right love?
I tell you what, and this is straight up, you’ll see bargains ‘ere today you ain’t gonna get a sniff of elsewhere. And I’m only ‘ere today. So don’t go down Oxford Street thinkin’ you’ll get a treat like this tomorrow. Nah come on love, don’t laugh, I do this for a livin’.
You wanna spend yer money in Selfridges, I’m sure they’d love to ‘ave it. Me, I’ve got books, whatever you like. You like your classics Miss, I can tell. Got a touch of the Brontes about you, bit pale know what I mean. I’ve got yer thrillers, yer love stories, yer modern literary classics. You wanna give us a bit of room, mate – these are people who actually read books. Only ‘avin a laugh. Right Bernie’s got the van round the back of Wigmore Street, so if there’s anything I ain’t got in me suitcase, chances are Bernie’ll sort it. So ‘ere we go.
I’ve got these, a collection of early twentieth century modernist classics, you’ve got yer Wasteland, yer Ulysees and a collection of Ezra Pounds’ cantos. I’m doin’ you a favour – it ain’t worth me chargin’ the thirty quid they’d want down Foyles, not even twenty. Tell you what love, put your money back in your purse, you ain’t gonna need all that. I’m not even askin’ a fiver each, ‘ere we go a tenner the lot. Thanks love – take the lady’s money Dave.
What about you sir, I seen yer lookin’ in me suitcase – anything take yer fancy?  What’s that? No mate, I don’t do them kind of books.
‘Ere we go, McEwans –  Saturday, Enduring Love, tell you what I’ll even chuck in Atonement, can’t say fairer than that. Right, I’m muggin’ meself here, but it’s one day only, get it while you can, where you can, am I right? Not twenty quid, not fifteen, not even askin’ a tenner. Yer McEwans – a fiver the lot. Thank’s love, and you sir, and you, and you, and you…
What’s that love, you’d rather go down Waterstones and get the real thing? S'up to you, but you'd be wasting your time...
Cos me and Bernie and Dave – we are Waterstones.  

1 comment:

  1. Very clever! Just bought "Distant Water" but it's missing something - your autograph. Must do something about that ... x